I'm in Germany since Monday. Seeing my Dad just as daughter, not as wife and mother. Seeing him without the daddy filter. Healing the father wound. I'm nervous. A week off mama duty. Following what my heart longs for, letting my soul lead. This week has been interesting, letting go of another layer, another set of beliefs, another bunch of stories. All around him. Expecting a week mostly to myself, recovering and regaining strength from my pregnancy related iron-deficiency anaemia that has been diagnosed quite late and has been treated for the last three weeks, I was surprised to find out that my Dad took the week off. In the middle of a mid life crisis, close to burn out himself. So we had a lot of time together, talking, sharing, sitting next to each other working away on our laptops. Resting and sending each other off to naps. My Stepmom is a wonderful healer who did a Bodytalk session on Wednesday night with me, since which I have one releasing cry after another. So far I really enjoyed this week, especially the extra sleep I got. Not only do I feel closer to my Dad, but also to my Stepmom and my brothers, which is a lovely experience.
Today tears are rolling down my face while I'm looking through pictures of me and my Dad. Over breakfast I asked a question that was on my heart. And he answered that I always was wanted, was planned. Never a mistake. Letting go of that story that lived in my head, planted by viscous relatives and the "not perfect" timing I came in while both my parents where still studying at the university. He said they made a conscious decision together. Did they know what was coming? Probably not. No-one knows before their first. Did they regret their decision? Maybe. But I was wanted and loved. Seeing this now, releasing the pain, the fear, the belief that I was an accident, a mistake in the first place, never wanted anyway. Another layer gone. I'm so happy I came here. On Monday I head home, lighter and more connected, but also with more to release, as "I am a mistake" was part of my identity for so long. Now I have to go and look closely who I am without this part?Ask the hard questions lovely. Don't wait until it is too late and they are gone. Share what concerns you. Tell them that you love them. Hand back what wasn't yours in the first place. Sending you courage to have the conversations that need to be had and heal and release everything that is ready and isn't yours,