On this November New Moon I’m just coming back from one of the most beautiful experiences I ever had. After a wonderful Blessingway/ Mother Rising I hosted last weekend locally (more about it over on the Light Mothers blog HERE) I had the desire to have a similar event for myself preparing to birth my daughter.
As my circle of Soul Sisters spans the world and can't just fly in the first thought was: “Impossible.” But whenever I think or hear this word from others I get passionate to find an alternative solution, because I deeply belief that NOTHING is impossible.
The blessing way ritual/ Mother Rising is all about presence and so, after having already experienced and hosted online circles I figured it would just make sense to do an online version instead. But how? Obviously there would be certain physical aspects missing, like the hugs, the holding hands and the sharing food at the end. At the same time I was not willing to miss out on such a beautiful ceremony, especially as I had decided that this will be the last baby that I carry in this lifetime.
I have to be honest with you. There are moments I’m dreading the arrival of this next baby. Moments I remember how incredible alone I felt…after my first was born and my husband needed to head back to work four days later. The hours and hours where it was only my little boy and me, endless circles of walks and meal times and naps, repeated every day.
When he went back on the market and making chocolates and cake pops two days after our second was born, with me being alone with the newborn and a two year old toddler then. Pushing my body to the max, fainting in the middle of the day, because I cleaned with the baby sleeping in the sling trying to be the perfect housewife and mother, fuelled by sugar, losing my balance because of the smallest incidents. Trying to be there all the time, carrying around mommy guilt and being plain exhausted.
Each of these experiences taught me a lot and brought many wake up moments into my life. And I’m grateful for them and of course for my children and my husband who made sure we had a home and food on the table while I couldn’t.
This time it will be me being alone with three under 5. And I wish I had a village of women around me. Coming over and bringing food. Taking the two boys to their house for a couple of hours after loading my dishwasher and my washing machine, so I can snuggle up with baby instead. Sitting down and holding my brand-new daughter while I can take a shower and read a book with my boys. A mom/grandma nearby, who can come over when I feel overwhelmed or overtired. Being and living different in a lot of ways from what is “the norm” right now, but also pretty much in general in our current time motherhood can be pretty lonely. Somewhere along the way we lost our village, the group of people that is needed to raise our children. For those of us who decide or need to move away from where they grew up, which is most of us really, there are no parents around, no aunts and cousins and sisters preparing you for birth. Twice already I faced the task of preparing myself for birth alone, as I didn’t even talk to my mom during my previous pregnancies, mostly educating myself over the internet and online pregnancy groups, with my second at least having my beautiful home birth midwife Elke by my side. This time I’m making different choices. I’m connecting to the women living around us, through playgroups, yoga classes, trying to get out and reach out at least once a week. It’s a slow process, rewarding but tiring at this stage of my pregnancy, where all I want to do is nap and eat. Trying to host a Mother Rising ceremony at my house would have meant two beautiful Souls with me in the best case scenario. Organising one online was another story. Just because I didn’t have my village around me didn’t mean I couldn’t bring it to me! Letting the idea sink in a bit I had several rituals for the event in mind we could do, depending on how many women would show up. I invited all the women I feel connected to to be part of this experience/experiment, surrendering to the guidance I would get during meditation on the day on how to structure it.
It was everything and more than I hoped for. I was showered in love, appreciation, celebration and uplifting energy for 90 minutes straight by the 9 women who attended live, spread over several countries, even continents. We sat in circle, witnessing, sharing, journeying together.
At the end I was a blubbering mess, tears streaming down my face while listening to the beautiful messages my sisters shared with me, the blessings and symbols and words they wanted to send over, so I could take them with me into this new adventure, mothering three under 5, being a mom of a newborn again, going through another birth, a rebirth of myself as well it seems. I released fears and some grief, and I took in their knowing and understanding and all their love. But that wasn’t everything. Many of the women who couldn’t make it live did send me blessings beforehand and afterwards, little messages and videos and poems and pictures. By asking for what I needed and opening myself up to receive it I got so much, I feel held and loved, empowered and strong and capable of anything that is coming. Because I know, if I need them they are there, maybe not physically, but in Spirit and just a zoom call away. I’m not alone! Tomorrow I will sit down with some coloured paper and gather all the blessings and symbols I received, to make myself a reminder for my birthing space. I will hear the beautiful voices of my circle of women, the words and chants and songs when I read them while bringing my daughter into this world, feeling guided and supported and held.
I wish more pregnant moms out there would have experiences like that. And I would love to facilitate more of this in the future, celebrating other pregnant women together with their own village, making them feel loved and held, empowered and ready to face the massive transition that is coming. If you are pregnant and have your circle of women, your village spread all around the world I would love to lead you through your own Mother Rising ceremony, bringing them to you. Contact me so we can create some magic together!
The strong woman in me honours the strong woman in you!
Sending you Love&Light, Annika x