It’s the morning after. The morning after an(other) event that changed me forever, an(other) rebirth. I didn’t really know what would wait for me when the opportunity to come to Birmingham came up just short four weeks ago. What I knew in the moment I saw one of my beautiful online friends giving away her ticket as she could no longer attend was that I needed to be there. When I hear my Soul shout out loud in excitement I also know that I have to be VERY quick before my mind is processing what I’m actually doing. So I wrote her, she wrote back that the ticket is mine and 24 hours later through another friend I had a hotel room in the hotel the event was taking place too. When it was a done deal that I was going to Birmingham to attend Elevate Live - a business event for female (mostly online) entrepreneurs - put on by the incredible Gemma Went pressure started building up inside of me. In the last week before my trip I felt similar tense and wired like the last days before I left Germany in 2010 to live in Ireland and the weeks before we left Ireland 2017, when we sold everything we were able to part with and left to test full time travel as a family would suit us. I was running around like a headless chicken and my thinking mind wasn’t really able to understand why. I mean I simply went to an event to learn how to get a strategy and system in place for my business, right? My Soul knew though. My Soul knew… Inbetween I had these weird moment of clarity, where I would tell me husband random things that will happen over these two days. Two come to mind especially. One was that when Gemma announced a competition to win one of three 1:1 strategy session with her I stated to him: “One of those spots is mine!” (Spoiler: I did win one of these spots.) The second one was: “Every single woman there will know my name.” On the first day, in an egoist attempt to make sure that that was the case I tried my best to mingle with the amazing women from all backgrounds who had gathered from wide and far (one of the ladies came from Nashville!). I wanted to use the breaks and the lunches and dinners to connect with them, get to know them, ask them questions and tell them about myself too. And that worked to some extend, being truly present though was a challenge. Spirit had other plans. I had to deal with a nasty head cold I picked up while travelling on the day before and then weird pain in my lower body started and my belly became extremely bloated. As I tend to get bladder infections quite quickly I assumed it was that and opted up my water intake to flush it out. Instead of being there and having beautiful conversations I retreated to my room to lie down for half an hour before coming back down to quickly eat, then the next talk already started. By the time the day was over I was shivering in my beautiful, but much too light clothes, my body aching, my head pounding. Both from all the information I had absorbed, but also from all the energy I automatically transmute and of course the blocked sinuses.I had two choices. Either I would go to bed and miss the networking drinks and the dinner I had already ordered and paid for and looked forward to…or I would dress in my most comfy clothes, rest quickly, do an energy healing on myself and bring it together as much as I could to at least participate for a part of it. I muscle tested both options and it became clear that now was NOT the time to sleep. Upstairs while changing my clothes I took the photo you see on this post. I looked like I was 5 months pregnant and I had intense back and lower abdomen pain. I called my partner to tell him about what was happening, he didn’t pick up though. So I dressed in my warmest clothes and went back downstairs to join the rest of the women. Just when I started my first conversation with a beautiful Soul I had felt drawn to all day my mobile rang. I excused myself for a moment and answered. I told my partner that I made the decision to come back down and that I really didn’t feel well and that I want to include him into this decision. If I would push through, drawing on past experience, I would probably be very wrecked when I came home and would need time to recover before picking up fully again. As he had been solo parenting for 4 days by the time I would come home (which is tonight, I’m writing this sitting at the breakfast table in the hotel) I wanted him prepared and not feeling left out. My bloated belly was worrying me. He said I needed to do what felt right, that I didn’t travel over to sleep and that we would deal with the aftermath when I was back. And that my belly always bloated when I’m stressed. I thanked him, took a couple of deep breath and went back to find someone who was available for more than small talk. I had a fantastic evening, retreated to my room early with homeopathic remedies by another participant to help me and with the help of that had a good night’s sleep. The next morning I woke up, with a pounding headache, went to the toilet, drank water and went back to sleep until I really had to get up to get some breakfast before Day 2 started. Getting dressed I was torn between two outfits and decided to first put the blue dress on and pack the red shirt into my handbag to switch at lunch. In the marquee the event was taking place an excited buzz was swirling around and everyone was sitting in different seats. First I chose a seat at the same table I was sitting on the first day, but then one of the women next to me informed me that we all were asked to sit at another table. And so I hopped over to the table that was calling me. After the “Welcome to Day 2” the first speaker was called up and I kid you not, 30 seconds into Chantelle Adams being on that stage I had tears streaming down my face and all the tension that had build up for weeks lifted and I felt my body open. I knew in that moment that THIS was why I was here. I listened to her talk, she asked us to write a “Fear List” of all the things we hadn’t done because we were too afraid. If you have been following me for a while you know I do the things that freak me out. So I didn’t have anything to write down. And then she said: “I’m going to call one of you up here on stage to show you my method in action. I’m going to pull out your story out of you and mould it into a speech you can use on stage.” And there it was. Fear. Excitement without breath. And I knew it had to be me up there. And while my heart was pounding like crazy and the part of me that keeps me safe was blaring out loudly “Abort, abort, STOP, this is not safe!” I waited for her to say the words. And when I heard: “So who is coming up here to work with me?”, my right hand shot up while I controlled my left hand to not pull it down again. Chantelle shared later with me that in these moments usually half the people in the room lift their hand. Not this time. The only hand she saw was mine. She said that maybe there was another hand. But all she saw was mine. What followed on stage was pure magic. I told her my story, a story I had written about shared on podcasts, Facebook lives and webinars and still I was sobbing….and the whole room was sobbing with me. A massive wave of healing, permission to talk about more than the weather and dissolving shame went through the room. And after a short moment in silence I had the amazing healing experience to have my story told to the audience by Chantelle, with the words I used and the unspoken things that I didn’t know how to articulate. She pulled it all out and told it in such a powerful way, listening to her made clear to me how much my story can change peoples lives. It became clear to me that it’s time to stop hiding behind my writing and my laptop and get in front of people to share my message. It took me the rest of the day to process. The conversations I had with the women after that experience on stage were mind blowingly beautiful and deep. And I giggled to myself…as my statement to my partner had become true…every single one of them knew my name after that. Looking back now I can see that the pain on Day 1 were birthing pains. Contractions, my body preparing for a new version of myself coming through. I had witnessed this process once before in one of my retreat participants, who arrived with severe back pain and during a ceremony where she stepped into her next version there were pictures taken of her looking like she was in labour. That was what I had felt. A new me emerging. And so now…I was born seven times in this lifetime. I’m sure I will share more about this when the time comes. Now I need to pack up and catch my cab to the airport. Thank you Universe for this gift I have received here. I’m so excited for everything that is coming!
May your life be filled with Flow 🌿
Your Shortcut to your Soul